My Endeavor to Be Better

I’m in a phase of life where I’m trying…hard.  I’m trying to be a better person, wife, mom, employee, leader, and Christ follower.  I’m not succeeding so far.  I’m working to relax, have fun, and enjoy life.  I’m consciously trying not to clench my teeth and to relax my shoulders, daily behaviors that result in headaches and sore muscles and betray the constant anxiety within.  I’m trying to get back into the Bible, hence this blog.

Then life happens.  Kids get sick.  Kids don’t sleep; I don’t sleep.  I hurt someone’s feelings.  Someone makes me steaming, crying, red-faced angry—within minutes of my reading Scripture and praying.  So, I re-read the Scripture, and I find nothing that relates to my current situation.  I want to cry, eat a big bowl of pasta with fattening cream sauce, lie on a couch, under a blanket, and fall asleep to a chick flick.

But I’m at work…on a day I was supposed to take off but cannot, because I’m utterly swamped with tasks that must be done by tomorrow or Sunday.  I’ll leave work this evening, go home to two adorable kids, and watch them alone all night while my husband’s at a meeting.  I’m exhausted.

Life isn’t going to stop happening so that I can become a better person.  I must become a better person in the midst of life, maybe in spite of it.  I cry out to God for his help and his grace…and I go back to work.